Dawn Dream
I had a dream early this morning that startled me out of sleep. I was walking on a beach with James. We were holding hands, looking out over the water and back to the shoreline. It was winter and children were running along the sand wearing snow suits and wooly caps. Two boys ran out onto a frozen pond that was just beyond the sand dunes. I called out to warn them that the pond was not safe--it was not cold enough and I could see translucent spots with water gurgling underneath. A dog was nipping at their ankles and I saw a startled father run out to grab them off the ice.
I had let go of James's hand with my concern for the boys and when I turned back around to look at him he had vanished. I looked out at the ocean and the waves appeared as slush, partly frozen from the intense cold. I saw James swimming in the icy torrent. He smiled and waved--he had all his clothes on, including a bulky parka. Then, a wave came and took him under. I stood on the shore, in a panic. In real life, when James swims in the ocean, I always watch him, scanning the shoreline when he dives under a wave, bodysurfing. I have a slight fear of the ocean's power.
Back in the dream, I am pacing the shore, dread starting to rise and a feeling of complete helplessness. I feel a tap on my shoulder and there he is, standing right next to me. He's completely covered in a thick layer of sand--it's in his hair, ears, frozen in chunks on his clothing. He was grinning, as we did when we were children and a wave would take us under, tumble us around, leaving sand in our suits and grit in our mouths. I was so relieved. I helped him brush the sand off his clothes.
I woke up to see a ray of sunlight across our bedroom ceiling.
I had let go of James's hand with my concern for the boys and when I turned back around to look at him he had vanished. I looked out at the ocean and the waves appeared as slush, partly frozen from the intense cold. I saw James swimming in the icy torrent. He smiled and waved--he had all his clothes on, including a bulky parka. Then, a wave came and took him under. I stood on the shore, in a panic. In real life, when James swims in the ocean, I always watch him, scanning the shoreline when he dives under a wave, bodysurfing. I have a slight fear of the ocean's power.
Back in the dream, I am pacing the shore, dread starting to rise and a feeling of complete helplessness. I feel a tap on my shoulder and there he is, standing right next to me. He's completely covered in a thick layer of sand--it's in his hair, ears, frozen in chunks on his clothing. He was grinning, as we did when we were children and a wave would take us under, tumble us around, leaving sand in our suits and grit in our mouths. I was so relieved. I helped him brush the sand off his clothes.
I woke up to see a ray of sunlight across our bedroom ceiling.
I was just looking at the picture of us all at the beach on the magic day - Kite Day - that Forest and I met, and Immi was conceived (so the legend goes). I'm glad the dream had a happy ending. I'm pulling for this current struggle to have one as well. Let us know when we can visit and bring some Ocean Swimmers love to James. XO Peter
ReplyDeleteWow, so many things in that dream . I’m thinking it was a brief vision of what your life is right now, and happy sand covered Jim standing in the sunlight next to you when this is all over .
ReplyDeleteI always find when I dream of the ocean and the uncontrollable push of the waves and my struggle to not get pulled under , it’s because I am struggling with things that are out of my control , and when I end up on the beach , my surfboard intact , and feeling the sun on my face with that ocean breeze blowing through my hair , it’s the knowing that it’s all going to be alright . Just like Bob Marley says. Hang in there , never fear the “under toad”.