I had a ray of hope beam down into the NICU this morning. Since it's a Saturday and Imogen was at home sharing the day with her good friend Sylvia, I arrived a little late.  I walked over to James's bed and he had both eyes open, looking toward the window!  It was unbelievable. Up to this point, even on his best days, he preferred to keep his eyes closed. Wow.  I grabbed his hand and said, "Good morning!" and he looked toward me!  I asked, "Squeeze your hand for me" and he did. Then, I said, "If you know who I am squeeze twice!" and he did. Phew!  I bothered him to wiggle his toes for me and to squeeze with his left hand (what I have been calling the bad side) and he did.

As you may know, the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. Since the surgery was on his right side, the left side of his body has been lagging behind a bit.  I joked to him this morning that his left side was the "bad boob."  When I was breastfeeding Imogen, one of my breasts was always fuller than the other.  We called the less productive breast, the bad boob. Probably more than you ever wanted to know about my lactation potential. I am hoping that if I keep things simple, he will understand me, especially if he has questions about his body but is unable to ask. Describing his left side as the bad boob lets him know that it's temporary and nothing to be too concerned about if he's experiencing less feeling on that side.

I seriously believe that the protesting young people in New York City this morning channeled their spirited optimism for change directly into the NICU!  James is a true believer that one person actually can make a difference, it is not a cliche--it is a catalyst!

James became active at Imogen's elementary school not simply because he recognized the direct results of budget cuts and that the arts curriculum was in jeopardy.  He wanted to make change to this upside down world we find ourselves living in.  Racism and poverty are at the core of the imbalance in public education. The budget cuts were simply the symptom of the deeper disease we face as a society--we all must recognize the impact of the widening income gap in our own local communities.

James is personable and I have found that people open up to him, complete strangers and loved ones. I cannot leave him alone for a second anywhere because I will turn around and he will be listening to someone's life story.  There are families at PS34 that are struggling economically. James wanted to keep those children in the minds of all families that contributed to the PTA--it is not enough to invest in your own child--your love and compassion has to embrace every child.  The parent volunteer that one may see at a bake sale or reading to children in the classroom may return home at night with worries of making the rent, choosing between nutritious food for their child or homelessness. James heard these stories directly from parents, grandparents and caregivers. He honored their privacy but it lit a fire underneath him to work that much harder to communicate to the school community as a whole that they had to keep each and every family in mind to reach goals. He wanted to express humility for the bounty we had in our own lives and compassion for those who struggled silently among the prosperous. 

James is a Libra and he's forever striving for balance.  He would not dismiss the youth in their wisdom to point out the fallacies of the politicians and the hypocrisy of our consumer society. 

James's sudden illness has been a humbling experience but my suffering is not unique. We have not been specially chosen to face this obstacle in our lives together.  To be human is to suffer.  I am grateful for the large embrace our communities have given our family and to James, in particular, of course.  Keep that love spiraling ever wider, beyond James and our suffering, to world-wide suffering as well as the suffering that takes place every day in our own neighborhoods.  Lend your hearts to the youth out there, marching for a sane future. Open both eyes as James did this glorious morning.

Love out to you all on this sunny patch in the NICU!