I like it when you're here

I returned to work this morning with the plan that I would arrive early and leave in the late afternoon to visit James up at Mt. Sinai. Both the hospital and my office are on Madison Avenue, 99th Street and 39th Street, respectively.  I thought, perfect, I will hop on the bus and it will be a straight shot uptown.  I think the bus stops every five blocks or at least, that's what it felt like--it took an eternity.  I will take the subway tomorrow which I think will be faster, even with the walk to and from the subway stations.

I walked into James's room and his face completely lit up.  I was surprised by that--James reminded me of our friend Naomi's baby, Felix, who will be a year old this week.  When Imogen or one of Felix's sisters enters the room, Felix has the same expression of delight from the pure happiness of recognition. I enjoyed this new reaction from James--it reminds me of our past as teenagers.

James was working with the speech therapist--he had on his new trach cap--a tiny top that clips onto his trach tube and closes it off which allows him to use his voice.  She asked him to say hello to me and he enunciated a perfect hello.  She exclaimed, "You are willing to talk loud for your wife but not for me?"  James was working on two levels--using his voice and memory.  The speech therapist would ask a question such as, "name five round objects," and James would have to come up with the responses--the answers were more difficult to contemplate than the act of speaking.  He replied, "soccer ball, volley ball, basket ball...."  The therapist stopped him saying, "Perhaps, you should name something that is not a ball."  I wanted to throw out a hint but I had to be quiet and resist the urge to help him. She said, "Look down where you are sitting" in an attempt to guide James to notice the wheels on his chair. Instead, he turned his attention to Frank the ferret on his table top and James declared, "Eye Ball."  I had to laugh.

The attending rehab doctor stopped by to chat while the speech therapist was there working with James and he shared his thoughts with me concerning the results of this mornings assessment by the therapeutic teams.  It was very positive in light of the progress James has made in these past few days time as compared to his condition upon arrival at Mt. Sinai.  The social worker and psychologist called me at the office earlier in the day to convey the good news along with all the heavy insurance-related downside so it was not a surprise to hear the doctor's perspective on James's progress.  James's therapeutic program is framed by the health insurance allowance for in-patient rehabilitation which is capped at a sixty-day maximum.  The teams do not necessarily know at this point if he will require the complete maximum and have set a tentative discharge date for mid-May.  However, they will constantly assess the situation as we move forward.

Obviously, James will need to continue therapy either on an out-patient level or in his home.  This too is dependent on insurance factors which are not that robust for private health insurance carriers.  No need to bore everyone with the travesty of our healthcare system but it will take time and effort for me to navigate through those undercurrents. 

James is blissfully unaware of any of these issues as well he should be!  His focus is on recovery.  As soon as the speech therapist had gone, James wanted to talk with pen and paper.  He wrote that he wanted me to come earlier tomorrow.  That really pulled at me--he is so tender right now.  I told him that I am working in the morning at the firm and he is working here, in the gym--it is good we are both busy. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and wrote, "I like it when you're here."  What is one to do!

James wants to "write everyone" with his laptop but his motor/mind skills are not there yet.  I told him we would work on a project together--I would type whatever he wanted to say and I would post it on the blog.  I explained that early on, his brother Chris helped me to set up a blog so that I would be able to keep all his friends and family up to date on his health status.  He wanted to see it, of course.  I showed it to him and parts of it confused him. He does not recall being a teacher at the moment.  I think part of this is due to the ataxia.

I asked him today if he knew his profession or to make it simple, what he did with his time.  He shook his head "no" with very wide eyes.  I told him, "You are an artist and a teacher."  He looked absolutely astonished as if that was the craziest thing he had ever heard.  I said, "Why do you think Kevin gave you Monet--because you are a painter!"  He gave me a huge smile, picked up the pen, and instantly drew a cute little self-portrait stick figure holding a paint brush.  I said, "Do you know who Kevin is?" and he wrote back, "Of course!" and looked at me as if I were quite foolish.

I am not sure what is going on inside his head but he was very cute and pleasant with me.  He does not exhibit anxiety when he does not know the answer to a question and does not mind admitting that he does not grasp certain concepts. He asked once again about the "trach."  The doctor explained it to him during his visit but I could see that James was caught up in looking at the doctor speak rather than truly understanding a thing he was saying. I know James pretty well with regard to recognizing when he is not paying attention!

The last thing James wrote to me this evening was, "Here tonight--tomorrow morning here! Right?"  He then turned those adorable eyes on me again.  How am I able to disappoint him. I told him I would arrive in time for his late afternoon physical therapy session and he closed his eyes in relief.  I held his hand as he feel asleep.

I am grateful for the team at Mt. Sinai. His doctor asked James how he felt about everyone and he said, "They are great!"  One of the physical therapy gym assistants, Doris, saw me in the room and popped in to say hello. James lit up again!  Doris was described to me by one of the physical therapists as a fixture at Mt. Sinai, that she has been there for years. She told me how well James did today in the gym and James acted like a proud child hearing his teacher speak well of him.  He's worked his magic on Doris, that's for sure.

I am curious to see how James blossoms out over time and what sort of person he will become as he regains his memory--or not.  I will take James no matter who he becomes at the end of this recovery process. I love him like crazy.