Unbalance so as to re-balance

James, Imogen and I took a long walk to Word bookstore to order a non-fiction summer reading book for Imogen.  It was sprinkling and the distance was long.  I took the wheel chair, just in case, but again, did not use if for James. On the way back, we stopped by the Garden grocery store and stacked the chair full of bags for the push home.

James climbed the stairs and plopped on the couch. I made him a cup of tea, thickened to honey consistency with the magical Simply Thick, a gelatinous, non-flavored goo that instantly thickens any liquid without adding anything extra.  This feels slightly like a promotional bit here but I am amazed how great the product is and the fact that the company sent it by federal express in two days, Saturday delivery, with no shipping cost added. That is most excellent!

James asked to see Jacques Tati's film, Mon Oncle today.  Comfort film. I had to search around the studio to find the video, of course, on the highest shelf.

Imogen reminded us that she has no school tomorrow!  I completely forgot about it. I even based a memory exercise for James on Imogen's schedule next week and we both misplaced it in our minds.  James's occupational therapist taught me the "W.O.P.R." which is an acronym for Write It, Organize It, Picture It, Repeat It.  For Imogen's schedule, I told James we had to recall which days she had off of school this week and we organized it by thinking--book ends: Monday and Friday.  Then, we pictured what Imogen would be doing on Monday and Friday mornings (sleeping in).  Ah well, this one escaped us both.  James knew immediately, though, when she mentioned having tomorrow off. He said, "Monday and Friday."

We had our out-of-town friend Kara visit us this morning. Kara and James shared a painting studio in the early 1990s behind Momenta Gallery in Williamsburg. That building was converted to high end condos.  Kara had visited FDR's Four Freedoms Park on Roosevelt Island with her son William on this trip out, something that James and I had wanted to do with Imogen for quite some time.  The conversation meandered around FDR and history. James mentioned that he visited FDR's home in Hyde Park with Imogen this past summer. James recalled a letter he read in a display from Winston Churchill to FDR that described a precarious car ride they took together in FDR's specially adapted car for driving with just his arms--it appears FDR drove them into a ditch and had to maneuver the car out on his own.

It surprised me so much how James is able to recall such specific details about his past.  It's stunning really. I do not understand how that can be possible and yet, he has difficulties recalling conversations we had a few days ago. It must be an entirely different mechanism in his brain.  Still, the depth of details that he has kept within him is startling.

Imogen and I had a frank discussion regarding James's cognitive state last night.  It is good to have a child's perspective because it seems to be based on simple, truthful observation.  Brutally so.  I listened to Imogen's analysis and conclusions that should probably remain private.  She is right on though and such a strong force in my life--I am grateful for her honesty, clarity and hope.

James becomes brighter for guests and I think we need to keep him stimulated with social interaction. James still does not really want to see anyone but this time, I am overriding his personal inclinations.

I think we need to have friends come by and engage him back into the flow of life.

I have to return to review my prior lists of friends that requested to visit with James and I will begin to arrange dates to come out for a shared cup of tea or an art-making session.

I love the cloudy, moody weather.  I want it to thunderstorm.

I am wondering when to end writing this blog. James asked me if I am still writing.  I think I will end it when he is able to read it.  That's a fair assessment.  The moment it becomes weird writing about him in the third person because he can read it--that's when it will end! 

I am starting to feel slightly uncomfortable writing now because James is past the survival mode of recovery and entering into truly tricky territory.  I have self-edited in many ways while sharing my experiences of caring for James and providing updates about his health status.  Once the physical aspects of his recovery have progressed to a point of almost total stability, the real focus of his work with be on his mind. It is this aspect of his care that I should not discuss as openly as I have been.

It is fascinating and I would love to share many aspects of this with you all that would like to keep informed of James's return to our every day lives.  I am hoping that our lives will open out in a more natural way and that you will have the opportunity to be with James yourselves!

Much love out to you.